Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Tagged - Favourites

10 Favourite TV Shows

  1. 8 out of 10 cats
  2. Mock the Week

  3. Have I got news for you
  4. FAQ U

  5. Phoenix Nights

  6. Max and Paddy

  7. Friday Night with Jonathan Ross

  8. The Friday Night Project
  9. X-Factor
  10. Strictly Come Dancing

10 Things I Did Yesterday

  1. Shopping

  2. Unblocked toilet - nothing grim, just loo-roll but now I feel like a super hero, fighting all toilet blockages! Superb! Yey for me!

  3. Made my bed (this may not sound like a huge achievement, but trust me, it is mega-brill)

  4. Blogged

  5. Wrote in my LDS Journal online!

  6. Worked

  7. Talked to my Mom

  8. Read a book

  9. Took a million online quizzes

  10. Wrote all of my text messages that I want to keep into my text message journal

10 Favourite Restaurants

  1. Amid Palace

  2. The Bell

  3. Chuck-a-Rama

  4. Chili's

  5. Cafe Rio
  6. Texas Roadhouse

  7. The Curry Mile

  8. The Old Spaghetti Factory

  9. The Civic Hall

  10. My mom's home cooking!!!!!!

10 Things On My Wish List

  1. A LONG trip home

  2. ??? (I'm not telling!!!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)
  3. Full Time Operator Position (with benefits)

  4. A nice dad

  5. LOADS of money so I could help people.

  6. A clean room

  7. A whole week long adventure with Tay, Monkey and the Big Momma

  8. An overnight visit to see Santa so I can sit on his lap! Did I mention he sent me a love letter?????????!!!!!!!!
  9. A fab little house - I want the one with the cute red door on 900 south.

  10. A little car that I can actually drive.

I tag:

and anyone else that wants to have a go!

Monday, December 29, 2008

The funniest e-mail I have received all year!!!!!!!!

"WAX is Not your Friend"

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply it down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now>covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!!

I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut!

Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I couldhave amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......Now that's funny ......... Notttttttttt.

Santa Baby

So Santa Claus officially came and went :( I had the most amazing Christmas in the whole world! It was brilliant!!!! I got so many gifts (yes, I know that Christmas is not about recieving presents - but I love feeling loved and boy! Am I LOVED!!!!!!!!!!) Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who bought me gifts - it made my Christmas extraspecially fantabulous especially when I am so far from home! I love you all millions.

BUT my very favourite gift was a glorious love letter from none other than Santa Claus! That is right! Santa sent ME a LOVE LETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here it is...

My Darling Sarah

Alas, another year has come for me to visit you. I could not imagine visiting Salt Lake City and not stopping in to tha basement of the CAB (Church Administration Building) to wish you a Merry Chritsmas and to leave you youre stocking. After all, you have been a very good girl this year. I miss you and wanted you to know that other than Mrs. Claus, you are my one and only true love. I must go for now. Rudolph is getting antsy. Until next year... Have a very wonderful holiday!

Love always,

Your Santa!

P.S. ... Your stocking was left behind the table in the time out room. I hope that you ladies do not have to use that rool very often. That would be a shame.


Thursday, December 18, 2008

6 more sleeps to go!

6 more sleeps to go
6 more sleeps till Santa
6 more sleeps till the big fat fella
Comes down your chimney
And eats your cookies
And leaves you presents
6 more sleeps till Santa!

This is my new Santa song!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sooooooooo excited for Christmas!!!

To all of my fans - I am so sorry to inform you that I will be working on Christmas Day so I will not be joining in the festivities with my family :( But heigh -ho i do get to hang out at Church Offices with the most amazing, fab and brilliant person in the world!! Whoop whoop!

I am so looking forward to opening my presents from home and chatting to my family on Christmas Day!

So what am I hoping for for Christmas? Well truthfully, I just have so much stuff that I really do not need anything else. But if anyone is stuck for something and needs some help - I saw a really fab pink dvd player in Smiths for $30!!!!!!! Cool or what!!!!! I would love one. Other than that I am collecting Deseret Book gift cards so that I can save enough to get a fab pair of little scriptures that I want (I would just buy them but I have so many sets of scriptures that it is untrue - it would not be so bad if I actually read them as often as I should!!!!!!!!) so, to save myself from the guilt of just buying them to sit on my shelf - I think that if I bribe people to help me buy them I will not feel so guilty about them! I also have recently fallen in love with Bath and Body Works and I just LOVE their body cream and lip gloss!!!!!!!!! They are the only ideas I have, and I really just want a snog from Santa - if you spot him about please send him over to my house - I have mistletoe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Mechanical Problems??!!

After every flight, Quantas Pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Here are some actual maintenance complains submitted by the Quantas Pilots (P) and the solutions by maintenance engineers (S)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
S: Almost replaced inside left tire

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield
S: Live bugs on back order

P: Autopilot in altitude mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reporduce problem on the ground

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed

P: DME volume unbelievably loud
S: DME volume set to more believable level

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S: That's what friction locks are for

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode
S: IDD always inoperative in OFF mode

P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

P: Target radar hums
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P: Mouse in cockpit
S: Cat installed

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel sounds like a midget with a hammer
S: Took hammer way from midget

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that have never had a flight crash.