Mechanical Problems??!!

After every flight, Quantas Pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Here are some actual maintenance complains submitted by the Quantas Pilots (P) and the solutions by maintenance engineers (S)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
S: Almost replaced inside left tire

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield
S: Live bugs on back order

P: Autopilot in altitude mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reporduce problem on the ground

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed

P: DME volume unbelievably loud
S: DME volume set to more believable level

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S: That's what friction locks are for

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode
S: IDD always inoperative in OFF mode

P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

P: Target radar hums
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P: Mouse in cockpit
S: Cat installed

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel sounds like a midget with a hammer
S: Took hammer way from midget

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that have never had a flight crash.